Blog

"Who can find a virtuous woman?  For her price is far above rubies" (Proverbs 31:10).

Well, praise God, by His grace I found one and we just celebrated fifteen years of sacred marriage!  My heart still beats quickly for my queen, and my eyes are tearing up as I write this and think on her.  Michele, I know you do not read my blog because you hear it all preached ahead of time, but I want everyone reading this to know I love you. 

"Love" is an abused word in our culture if there ever was one.  And sadly in the church far too many have bought into the cultural, Greco/Roman concept of love, which stands in direct contrast to love as God defines it.  I suspect "romantic Greco / Roman" love has been the cause of the vast majority of divorces in the church, though tons of other reasons are formally "listed" on the legal documents.  If you want some great reading on how woefully short the cultural view of love comes when held up to God's standard, turn to chapter 3 in Voddie Baucham's book Family Driven Faith.  I cannot say it any better than Brother Baucham.

For a few minutes, though, allow me to muse concerning how God has reformed my own idea of love, romance, marriage, parenting and the like over fifteen years.  Michele and I both agree we did not really love each other when we made our vows fifteen years ago.  We only thought we did, but we were self-deceived.  Here are just a few lessons learned from seeking God in His Word and a few things I would change if given a chance to do it all over again:

• The foundation of love is God and His gospel.  Anything less is not love (1 John 4:7-11).
• Love finds its fullest expression in Jesus Christ dying on the cross as our wrath-bearer, and rising again to ever live as our Advocate (Romans 5:8; 1 John 2:1-2).
• This "kind" of love is completely counter-cultural, as it rests on death to self and the life of Christ being lived in and through us (1 Cor 13).
• Building a marriage on gospel love from the very beginning would lead one to more easily jettison fears of getting married "too young" as our culture so often warns.  Typically, our culture counsels young men and women (18 or older) to spend many years "finding themselves" or "taking care of themselves" before attempting marriage.  What is really meant is that young people should indulge themselves selfishly for a decade or more prior to marriage.  How does that help prepare people for a relationship that demands selflessness if it is to survive and thrive?  This is anti-gospel psycho-babble. 
• Doing marriage God's way might also lead one to consider having children much earlier than the typical Christian does today.  Personally, if I had this to do over again, I would have still married Michele right after graduating college (which I did), but I would have started our family earlier.  Things go down hill my friends after you hit your mid-thirties.  Oh to have the energy I had when I was twenty-five to give to my wife and children!  Don't get me wrong, all children are gifts from God (Psalm 127), regardless of how or when they enter this world.  But that said, God's undeniable design for marriage is that it produce "godly offspring" (Malachi 2:15).  Why not get started earlier?! 
• A deeper grasp on gospel love has also caused me to truly appreciate the beauty of adoption.  For those of you who have adopted, you mirror the gracious love of our God who has adopted us unworthy sinners into the glorious family of Christ (Gal 4:4-7).  I commend you.  Our culture of death says "no unwanted child should have to be born into this world."  Our God says no child should ever be unwanted. 

All these lessons and so much more I owe to the grace of God as His Spirit has simply convicted and changed me by His Word.  Friends, the gospel changes everything.  Is forgiveness needed in your marriage?  Then study the forgiveness of God in Christ (Eph 4:32).  Is confession and repentance needed?  Ongoing faith and total trust in the work of Jesus Christ on the cross?  Then beg God on your knees with your wife for these gracious gifts (Eph 2:8-9; 2 Tim 2:24-26; James 5:16).  How is your view of children?  Considering adoption?  Embracing the larger families in your church, rather than making snide comments about birth control behind their backs?  The lessons go on and on, don't they?

Let me summarize the change God's gospel has made like this: When I tell Michele I love her now, what I mean is

"I love Christ far more than you; and because of Him, I choose to selflessly serve you today, even at the expense of my life."         

by Keith McWhorter